If you’re just starting to explore adult sex toys, it can be a bit intimidating. There are so many options available, and they do all kinds of things for you. Hey there! I’m Dr. Brandye, board-certified OB/GYN, speaker, and women’s libido coach. I teach women how to reconnect with their passions, excitement, and desire so they feel good in and out of the bedroom.
Set Your Intention
To have the best experience with using a sex toy I think you have to start with why you are getting it in the first place. Your intentions set your expectations and are an important consideration. If you want vibration but you purchase a non-vibrating dildo, you won’t be happy.
Solo or Partnered Play
Next, you will want to decide if it is something you want to use solo or with your partner. Whether you plan to go solo or not, make sure that you talk with your partner about it. Great communication is necessary, and in this situation, it is even more important. A common misconception and fear is that the toy will replace your partner. Communicating about what you need and want can avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
Baby Steps
Now that you’ve decided on your intentions for the toy, and your partner is on board, where do you begin? I recommend starting with something that is small and more like a body massager. I also like toys that have a variety of vibrating patterns and adjustable intensity levels. You don’t want your first experience to have your teeth rattling in your head because the vibration is too powerful and you have no way to decrease the intensity.
Start Low and Go Slow
Start with a low-speed vibration pattern and with a low-intensity setting. This allows you to get used to the sensation without it being overwhelming. Then you can gradually increase to your comfort and pleasure levels.
Pleasure Points
Some toys are specifically made to stimulate certain pleasure points on your body, like the G-spot. Make sure to use a good lubricant to ease the way. There is nothing worse, think fingernails-on-chalkboard bad, when there is not enough lubrication. There are great water- and silicone-based lubricants, as well as hybrid lubes. If you want a more natural option, you can try coconut oil. Just make sure to check the care instructions that come with your toy. It would be a shame to find a great toy only to ruin it because you used the wrong type of lube or you didn’t take appropriate care of it.
Lastly, if you are truly a newbie, start by using the toy on a non-genital area like the skin of your wrist or the crook of your elbow. These are sensitive areas, like the skin of the genital area, and will help you to acclimate to the new type of stimulation. You can practice using toy in a setting that is less emotionally intense and actually see the controls clearly.
Need a more personalized recommendation for your pleasure needs? Let’s get on a Strategy Session and map it out! Go to www.drbrandyeobgyn.com and get on my schedule. You’ll be glad you did.
