Date night is not a new concept. However, sometimes it becomes basic and routine. It just seems like another thing on the TO-DO list that feels more like a chore than an opportunity to connect with your partner.
Hey there! I’m Dr. Brandye, board-certified OB/GYN, speaker, and women’s libido coach. I teach women how to reconnect with their passions, excitement, and desire so they feel good in and out of the bedroom.
Now, we must establish some ground rules to help make your Date Night 2.0 a success. The first is to schedule it. Sure, spontaneity is exciting but there is something to be said for anticipation. And…you know if you don’t schedule it, it won’t happen. (Even now, with our shelter-in-place orders). If you have a specific day and time to look forward to, you are already engaging in a little foreplay. If you really want to up the sexy, send a sexy text to your partner inviting them to a “special” night. You get to decide how sexy the special night will be, but just sending the invite can be a great lead up to the excitement.
#foreplay
The next thing is to have a plan. Again, spontaneity is important BUT what usually happens if you don’t plan something to do…you end up doing nothing…and then you complain that date nights are boring. Just having a loose idea of what you want for the night can do wonders to keep things flowing and take you out of the doldrums.
If you know you want to watch a movie together, maybe decide beforehand, so you don’t spend 20 minutes scrolling through Netflix for something you both are willing to watch. Let’s stop the cycle of laziness and neglect, and make date night great again
#makedatenightgreatagain
Another important element is to make sure you have established a Distraction-Free Zone. Electronics off and put away. Do not disturb is in effect. If you have kids, you can let them know that the parental units are having a meeting. Remind them that if they interrupt for anything other than an emergency, they will be consequences and repercussions!!! Read: cleaning the kitchen, the bathroom, doing laundry, or whatever heinous task you can think of) You may also want to notify any other person who would be worried if they aren’t able to reach you during that time, so you don’t have any unexpected safety checks from your local law enforcement agency.
#donotdisturb
So, now that we’ve laid the ground rules, let’s get to the nitty-gritty of date night fun.
Deeper Conversations
It’s okay if you want to just sit and talk, but make sure that you discuss something interesting, not the day-to-day household stuff. No talk of who is taking who to the doctor, or what new chore needs to be done.
This is your time to vision and dream together. This is your time to deepen your connection. This is your chance to love and be loved. Ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer.
If you can’t think of any questions to spark conversation, try these conversation starters:
- What is your favorite childhood memory?
- Who has been influencing you lately?
- What is your dream for us?
Get Creative
Get creative with things. Consider recreating your first date. Or maybe acting out your favorite fantasy. The sky is the limit. You can wear costumes or have props to up the play factor. A quick Amazon search can yield a treasure trove of options.
Not all date nights have to involve sex, but if you want to “make sexy time”, you can have a lot of fun! You can pick a theme, like a naked date night. You can undress each other – think strip poker!- or just start the date off naked. You can add in body paints or massage oils. You can turn your partner into a snack with whipped cream and berries. Let your imagination run wild.
If you want more of a spiritual experience, you have options for that as well. Have you ever considered meditating or doing intimate yoga together? Tantra sex is also a way of deepening the mind-body connection between you and your partner. Try reading the Songs of Solomon together (I bet you weren’t thinking of the Bible as a romance starter). It tells the story of the romance between King Solomon and his bride.
Learn something new together
Novelty is a wonderful aphrodisiac, and who better than your partner to learn something new with. Consider taking a cooking class together, or exploring your city like you were a tourist visiting for the first time. Maybe sign up to take French lessons and use your new-found language skills to whisper sweet nothings in your partner’s ear!
You can banish boring date nights forever! For more tips on how to keep your relationship sexy, and reconnect with your passions so you feel good in and out of the bedroom, please go to my online group, My O’mazing Life with Dr. Brandye, at www.myomazinglife.com.
